LOCAL KNOWLEDGE

THE CONTRARIAN

Cell phone conversation, sometime in the future.

Hollow, tinny voice, slightly sing-song accent: “Hello, this is your 911 operator, what is your location?”

Agitated male voice: “Hello 911, you have to send the police and an ambulance right away, there has been an accident, a woman is laying in the road and might get run over, my wife is with her, I am running up the road to try to stop traffic —“

Hollow tinny voice, interrupting: “calm down sir, what is your location?”
Agitated male voice: “Right here on Sandy Beach Road, just past the 7th green on the golf course, there has been a car crash, a pickup is laying on its side, there is a woman—“

HTV: “Sir, one thing at a time, what country are you calling from?”

AMV: “What country?? Where the hell are you? Canada of course!! We need the police and an ambulance! Oh sh–, I hear a car coming fast around the corner up ahead!! I hope I can stop him—“

HTV: “ Now we are getting somewhere. Canada. What province?”

AMV: “You Imbecile!! Ontario, of course. Dryden. Sandy Beach Road. Hurry!!”

HTV: “No need to call me names. Spell Trayton for me, I can’t seem to find it in my Ontario directory”

AMV: “Omygawd, the gas tank on the pickup just exploded, you should see the fireball!! It’s Dryden, D-R-Y-D-E-N.”

HTV: “Now calm down sir, no need to use profanity, aha, I have found it, Dryden. What number on Sandy Beach Road?

AMV: “Number?? There are no numbers, you nitwit. It is a country road. Tell them just past the seventh green, they will know.”

HTV: “Calling me names does not help. There must be a number.”

AMV: “Oh-Oh, here comes that car, oh, he just blasted right by me, OMYGAWD, I think he ran over the woman, and maybe my wife! Now he has rolled over in the ditch! Get the police, you moron! Oh, never mind, I hear sirens, somebody must have seen the explosion!! Forget it you idiot” as he runs to wave down the police cruiser he hopes is coming.

HMV: “Calm down sir! What is the nature of your emergency? You will have to be more coherent if I am to help you”

AMV: “Have a nice day. “ Hangs Up.

There really isn’t any substitute for local knowledge.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s