WHALES ARE PERSONS

THE CONTRARIAN

A page from Willy Brant’s diary —  Got home from town the other day with lunch including two large orders of fries from the Chip Wagon downtown, Joe and I agree they are about as good as it gets, had them double-bagged to keep them hot.  I was listening to CBC radio along the way home,  I like to listen to it as they do some good stuff, the trouble is the news is so lefty-weeny biased that I have to shut the radio off when the news comes on to preserve my sanity.  Then I forget to turn it back on.

Anyway, the program was prattling on about how smart whales are, and we ought to have an international agreement to give them all the status of ‘personhood’. I got to Joe’s house and went in before the program ended so the fries wouldn’t get cold, so I am not sure what is happening on whale citizenship.

Told Joe about it. I said next thing they will be making chimps and apes and bigfoots citizens too, after all they are smart, in fact bigfoot is so smart nobody has caught him yet.  And crows, the TV was rattling on about how crows are smarter than the average 5 year old, which seeing how our country is going means smarter than the average city dweller.

“Well”, says Joe, around a mouthful of fries, “As usual it is all politics. They are trying to get whale hunting shut down, which actually makes sense if they are as endangered as they say” –   I interrupted with “yeah, like the polar bears, they actually tried to make a case that the polar bears are disappearing because of global warming, turns out there are more bears now than ever” –  Joe cut in “yeah, well, maybe the whales are disappearing.  Anyway, I notice that dogs and cats are pretty smart, and even my cows are way smarter than we used to give them credit for, maybe everybody gets to be a citizen, which means that nobody is a citizen, we are all just animals.”

Which reminds me of one of my pet rants, which kind of destroys the evolution idea, so I says “Speaking of smarts, our big heads are a big weakness, so many women and children died at childbirth on account of them, where there isn’t modern medicine. So according to the Natural Selection idea, we should have evolved to have much smaller heads long ago. They say we need such big heads because we are so smart, which begs the question, are big men smarter than tiny women?  Are big dogs smarter than small ones?  If brain size measures smarts, how can a crow with a brain the size of a pea be as smart as a five-year-old?  There is a lot we don’t know.”

Joe has heard my rant on this subject before, so he just nods. Then he says “the real puzzle in all this is that the same people, those who want to give whales or wild critters on my farm all the rights of citizenship, wouldn’t hesitate to smack a mouse or rat on the head if it were in their house. Citizen Bear in my home, but not Citizen Rat in theirs. Politically correct logic, I suppose”.

I had no answer for that, so I chomped into my bratwurst on a bun, squirting a bit of mustard down my chin, and just let it go at that.

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