DOLPHIN-BRAINS

THE CONTRARIAN
A page from Willy Brant’s diary — Joe and I were returning from our periodic shopping trip to the Vermilion Bay co-op, where you can find real stuff, not just ‘made in China’ crap. Joe especially likes the meat department, where the meat looks like it might actually be part of a farm animal, rather than glued-together bits of scraps swept up from the floor in the meat factory. He was really pumped this trip, he managed to find some real old-fashioned farm type rubber boots, made in Canada out of real rubber rather than Chinese plastic. Boots that fit without any laces or idiot straps or Velcro.

“Might as well come in for a coffee”, he offered when I stopped to drop him off with his purchases, so I did.

He had a book on his coffee table, called “Voices in the Ocean”, by a Susan Casey. Just to make conversation, I asked “so, Justin Bieber went for a swim, or something?” Lame joke, I guess the name Justin is on my mind right now.

Joe reads those documentary type books that just put me to sleep; I am a more like Clive Cussler fan. Anyway he answers “Good book. Haven’t finished reading it yet. It’s about dolphins, she talks about how smart dolphins are, she says they communicate way more than you might think, play jokes on each other, and seem to experience all the emotions we do. She says the latest science shows that dolphin brains are way more developed than ours in lots of ways. And our DNA is more like dolphins than apes. You might even find it interesting to read.”

I had to think about that for a minute. Then just to show him I am not that dumb, I offered “So, that leads me to a new Theory of Evolution. When the space aliens landed and needed some earth animals to do the heavy work of mining out the Kryptonite or whatever they were after, they picked what looked like a promising ape species, but made him stand up straighter so he would be more handy at carrying things. But he wasn’t bright enough, so they injected some dolphin DNA into the critter, and he became us. Too bad they left a bit too much of that ape sex drive in us. And too bad they didn’t do a better job of straightening us up so we wouldn’t always have a sore back. Otherwise, they did a pretty good job”.

Joe laughed, “You got all that out of my telling you about this book!” He thought a minute, then said “Of course there is no science whatsoever to your theory, it’s just a theory, unproven and unprovable, a lot like Global Warming, puts you right up there with David Suzuki!”

From me “Which reminds me, did you see some guys want to sue Suzuki, say he is using tax-free charity money for politicking, clearly a no-no, I wonder why he is not being charged.” “Well”, says Joe, “you can’t go charging a popular icon like Suzuki with anything, the press would scald your butt off!”

I suppose he is right, but it seems free speech only goes one way. O well, at least we don’t go to prison for thinking unkind thoughts about popular figures. Yet.

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