LOOFLIRPANIUM

THE CONTRARIAN

This is old news.  About a month ago, the Globe and Mail reported that the authorities had put a hold on trading in stock of Gelruoygnillup Mining – an Iceland-based mining exploration company with holdings all over Canada.  Seems the stock was steadily rising from a penny for almost a year, and then took a sudden turn up to $10 when it was stopped.  The authorities suspect insider trading as there is no visible reason for the rise.

Background story – some of you might remember about a year ago there was a small flap in the science community; NRC in Ottawa announced it had identified traces of Looflirpanium in some rock chip fragments from a Canadian source.  Looflirpanium is one of those elements which Mendeleev’s Periodic Table predicted exists, but till now no trace of which has been found on planet earth.  There is speculation that it would be extremely valuable by making computers even faster.

There is a local connection to these events which I would like to tell you about, partly to assuage my guilty feelings about my part in it.

My grandson confided a story to me last fall.  He chums around with Stevie Rekojami; you might know the Rekojami family, live out toward the airport, decent quiet people.  Seems he and Stevie were 4-wheeling down south of Contact Bay summer before last, and ran across an old mine site.  They were poking around in the tailings pile, and noticed some chips of quite unusual-looking stone.  Stevie said his cousin works for NRC in Ottawa, so he would send the chips to him.  My grandson forgot all about it, until last fall when Stevie told him that his cousin had identified Looflirpanium in the chips.  His cousin had kept the source of the chips as vague as he could while the whole Rekojami family slowly and quietly accumulated shares in Gelruoygnillup, which owns the old mine site.

Here is the guilty part – based on this ‘insider information’, I bought a bunch of the stock too, at 10 cents.  I suppose too many of the Rekojami family and friends were buying, and speculators noticed and that is what drove the stock price up.  I sold most of mine at $5, and used the proceeds to buy my grandson a car, and donated the rest to the Salvation Army.  But I still feel guilty, like it was dirty money.

Sorry if you find this confusing, and perhaps unbelievable, especially the part about me feeling guilty.  It will help clear up your confusion if you spell all the names in this column backwards, also remember this all happened a month ago.

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