OLIVE ON A TOOTHPICK

THE CONTRARIAN

 

Old-timers will remember when we might find bugs or worms or spoilage in our macaroni or oatmeal or flour if it was in the pantry very long.  Not anymore, as long as we keep it in the box it came in, and dry, our corn flakes or Kraft dinner or whatever dry food keeps forever.  That is because the box is treated with a chemical to prevent spoilage or varmints.

Old-timers might also have noticed that a body type I would call ‘olive on a toothpick’ – skinny arms and legs, tubby bulge around the middle, is steadily becoming more common in our people.

A recent study has shown that the chemical in the food boxes causes the ‘olive on a toothpick’ obesity.  Evidence is that this ailment gets more noticeable as time goes by, and also the more boxed stuff we eat, such as macaroni, corn flakes, pizza, and so on, the more our bellies and bums grow.

I hear you saying “What’s that?  Is this true?  How come I haven’t heard of this before?”

Ok, I’ll fess up, that’s because I just now made it all up.  The ‘study’ is just me, writing down the two paragraphs above.  But this is the kind of ‘science’ which drives so much of the modern agenda.

My friends Willy and Joe call this fractured logic ‘crowing rooster thinking’.  Every morning the rooster crows, and a few minutes later, the sun comes up, so we had better take good care of that rooster, or the sun won’t come up and we will all freeze in the dark.  If you watch for it, you see it everywhere, especially when somebody is trying to sell you on a theory which demands you adopt a reduced standard of living, while giving them more power over you.

Maybe we can kill a few crowing roosters in 2015

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