The following is a list of ways Hotels failed to consider we seniors on our recent trip.  While none of the 15 or so hotels we stayed in flunked all these tests, none passed them all either.  We have to conclude that Hotels have somehow failed to notice that a big part of their business is seniors, and as our country continues to spiral downward we seniors will be an increasing share of the travelling public.  Here is my list.

  1. Do the room door closers really have to be that strong?  I saw one little old lady caught by an overaggressive closer, – she was turning blue when I managed to pry her door off her.  Would it upset some grand scheme if it took a bit longer for the door to close?
  2. Speaking of doors, please have a 250 lb senior go into the bathroom, and approve the amount of space you allow for the senior to occupy while closing the door.  Having to stand astride the toilet, or even up on the toilet seat to close the door should not be approved.
  3. Grab rails around the tub/shower will be gratefully acknowledged by those of us who are saved from a fall.  Even if we are not technically handicapped, we slip easier, and a fall is way more serious.
  4. We seniors spend more time sitting on the can, and while it is entertaining to watch those little cracks and crannies around the floor to see if anything creepy crawls out, we would rather there weren’t any such openings in the first place.  Surely building materials which can be fitted tightly and stay that way are available, if not; maybe you could have the whole bathroom floor made like the floor of a shower stall, one piece.  Your cleaning staff would also be happy; I can tell how old your building is by the accumulation of grunge in those sharp, uncleanable right-angle corners.
  5. Couldn’t we consider where the toilet paper holder goes before putting up the building, so we do not have to be a contortionist to actually access the stuff?
  6. Maybe you could come up with heat/cool units which we can actually figure out how to work, and that don’t sound like a jet engine and blow the curtains off the wall.
  7. How about some bathroom fixtures that do not need a plumber to figure out how to get the shower to the right temperature, or get the drain to close or open?
  8. Enough space to actually access the bed from both sides would seem to be a no-brainer.
  9. How about checking to see if the TV works without interference?  And some cushion buttons on the doors so they close without making the sound of a rifle going off?  Some pictures on the wall?  Some chairs that one can actually sit on for more than a half an hour without needing to follow up with a visit to a chiropractor?
  10. Let’s rethink that bedding.  Do we really need those pillow shams ?  They serve no useful purpose.  We are afraid to throw them on the floor lest they pick up bedbugs, but there is no other place for them.  Is a duvet really a good idea?  If so, could we have one that is not designed to either crawl up around your neck, or crawl down off the foot of the bed while the senior is sleeping?  And rethink those bed-spreads, made of metal or rubber, weighing enough to crush an old person, and which also seem bent on crawling up or down?
  11. Finally, Mr. Hotel Operator, could we have some soap and shampoo actually designed to clean something, without oils or lotions or conditioners or fruits or vegetables or animal extracts or perfumes added?

Do all this, and you will get all my business. 

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