old codgers

THE CONTRARIAN

OLD CODGERS

This conversation might have taken place at any seniors social, any time.                                            

Grumpy Old Codger:  “I think Mabel over there likes me, we have danced four dances, and I put on all the moves that used to wow the chicks back in the 50’s – “                                                                     

Grumpy Old Codgers Conscience:  “Yeah, right” 

Grumpy Old Codger: “OK, I did step on her foot that time, but that toe will be all better in a week or two, and she has been looking at me all night, with that squinty look like she is trying to convey a message.  I think we should try to get together”                                                                        

 Grumpy Old Codgers Conscience:  “good idea, for, say, hot chocolate and conversation.  But I have a feeling you are thinking about more than that.  What makes you think you are physically fit for any kind of relationship?”

GOC:  “well, she seemed fascinated when I was telling her about the time I skidded up 46 cords of jack pine with my model 200 Timberjack in one day, looking right at me with those baby blue eyes, well, ok, a bit pink around the edges, and you know, looking in her eyes like that, little Tommy morphed into Thomas Talltimber, mightiest trunk in the forest.  Of course he soon evaporated away like the cheshire cat, but it shows I am still alive anyway.  I think I will ask her if I can walk her home after the party”

GOCC:  “so I suppose you have been trying to convince her you are rich, too”                                          

GOC:  “I guess I have been burning through the kids inheritance all right, that combination cheese grater and dust pan I bought her used up my March, 2014 grocery budget.  Of course I might not live till March 2014.”                                                                                                                                                                         GOCC:  “and let me guess, you have been trying to impress her you are younger than you really are?”

GOC: “well, that’s a problem, she seems to think I am even older than I am.  Don’t know what to do about  that”                                                                                                                                                           

GOCC: “So she thinks you are rich, and old.  Has it occurred to you that she might only be interested in an early inheritance?”    

                                                                                                                                       

GOC:  “Shut up”                                                                                                                                                    GOCC:  “And you think she will find you attractive when you unveil those clumps of hair on your shoulders, or that hairy pot belly?  But go ahead, make a fool of yourself.”

A few minutes later

GOC:  “$#&#@* women”                                                                                                                                    

GOCC:  “So, what did she say?”                                                                                                                              

GOC:  “Nothing.  Well, she said I should look for somebody closer to my age.  Thing is, I don’t know if she meant older or younger than her”                                                                                                                       

GOCC:  “Look in a mirror for a clue.  So I suppose we are going home all depressed now”

GOC:  “Oh, no, I notice that Myrtle over there always smiles when we meet, maybe I will go talk to her”

GOCC: “Myrtle is so nearsighted she can’t recognize anybody, so she smiles at everybody just in case.  But go ahead.  The good news is that we won’t remember any of this by tomorrow afternoon anyway.”

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